Man.. I love cleaning out my inbox.

Hopefully you guys have already read the first and second e-mails from my cousin Erum Baji. This is another funny email from my inbox. It’s from one of my oldest, closest, and funniest friends Usman.

lol.. he was having a bad day, but still was determined to write for a copy of The Kru, Rizvi 1 Imagination’s (then Rizvi 1 Entertainment) first (almost) full length production. Anyways, I thought this e-mail was blogworthy and would give you guys a laugh:

From : Muhammad Asim
Sent : Sunday, October 15, 2000 7:06 PM
To : rizvi1@xxxxx.com

Wow it has been a really great day today, I don’t where to begin. Well I can start by telling you my starting quarterback in fantasy football has thrown 3 interceptions in only the first half, that is super duper.
Next I went to the ATM (Automatic Tutty Machine) and it took my card, that was great. Wait there is more, the phone lines in my building are not working, Yeeehaaaw.
Well I really hope that things are going much better on your end of the world. Anyways the reason I am e-mailing you is to give you my address so you can mail me the first installation of quality production from Rizvi1Entertainment. I know the movie still has a couple of weeks from its premiere but I just wanted you to have my address well ahead of time.
I should get going now maybe I’ll get lucky and get in a car accident.

Usman Asim
xxxxx
Ft. Campbell, KY 42223

For you Non-south asian people – From this e-mail, Your Urdu word for today is “tutty” which means shit. You can add this to your growing vocabulary list which started with yesterday’s word of the day, “Baji”. Now, try making a sentence out of Baji and “Tutty.”

Oh mannn…. Thanksgiving, Christmas and Eid came early for me this year. I just found another e-mail from my Erum Baji! You guys remember the 1st one right? And how bad I was hoping I could find another one. I had no idea she decided to send out another email from Bermuda. She really was trying to make chronicles out of this vacation!

Ok, here it is. Again, her email is completely unaltered.

From : FATIMA NAQVI
Sent : Wednesday, November 20, 2002 10:25 PM
To : Shahryar Rizvi , SHIRAZ , Abbas Naqvi , Zehra Naqvi
Subject : bermuda chronicles

Well..hello(done in British accent)

We just spent today on the beach…it was
beautiful..Bermuda looks different when its sunny….I
believe I have a tan….hooray for
melanoma….yesterday was okay..it was cloudy and
rained for the evening….we called it an early
evening…pretty pathetic for us two..BUT today we
felt energized…we were beached whales!(laughter )

okay, so khalid doesn’t write stupid retarded emails
like me..but this is who I am….so love me or
not…that actually may be a song..I
feelAmericaican..everybody Britishtish…I want to
talk like them..yeah!…I will start
practicing..now..so when I get off the plane ..I will
be no longer an American….

Love me or not
ERUM

khaild sends his regards separetly from mine!

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LOL! What the hell is she talking about?!

Poor girl. Does anyone here want to teach her how to type?

Update: lol.. do you know what else is funny? her e-mails are so narrow and don’t wrap around! That’s because she didn’t realize that if you keep typing past the window, it will go to the next line. Look how narrow her emails are! This isn’t because I copied and pasted wrong, this is because she kept hitting enter at the end of the lines! Nobody told her about wordwrapping to the next line!

lol… this post is actually one of the main reasons I wanted to start this blog. I wanted to post these emails from my Erum Baji (Baji means older sister, but is also used for older cousin, or older friend too out of respect).

Erum Baji is my older cousin and though she’s a very intelligent medical doctor, she can’t really type well at all. And it doesn’t make sense because she’s so educated! Anyways, here are two original, completely unedited or unaltered, e-mails Erum Baji sent me a few years ago when she first started discovering what e-mail was all about. lol… they’re hilarious. lol… I’m laughing before I even started posting… that’s how hilarious these e-mails are.

—

Email #1:
Sent : Tuesday, November 19, 2002 1:22 AM
To : Shahryar Rizvi, SHIRAZ , abha abbas, shahab abbas, richard ricky fremont, Zehra Naqvi
Subject : Bermuda chronicles

Well, we finally made it to Bermuda! We encountered
rain/cloudy weather today…and I lost my luggage
today…some jack ass mistakenly took my bag!..I
bought 100 dollars worth of stuff!!!!to replace
it…Should I return it..it was in dire
emergency…Hmm mm…let me think about it…..so we
are living large at Fairmont Princess..I do feel like
a princess…(laugh)We just ate a huge meal..and we
walked along the dockyard..it was so romantic…that’s
why I am sitting and writing to you guys…khalid is
making me tea (free) from the lounge. This also where
Ie-mailingling you guys from…(free) You can do so
much when you have money!..I can’t
wait!…definitelyll defintely keep you guys informed
of my daily plans…I know you guys are so interested
in my life!

Khalid sends his regards!

love ERUM

—

LOL! Oh My God, that was hilarious.

Ok, here’s another one. It’s not as funny, but still pretty good:

From : FATIMA NAQVI
Sent : Tuesday, January 28, 2003 1:20 AM
To : Shahryar Rizvi, SHIRAZ , Zehra Naqvi

hey every body!

this is the delaware hot line…welcome. This is the
monthly report on how we are doing. I thought that
this would be really cool idea so that every body
knows that we are alive in delaware.!

LOL again! oh man.. ridiculous… simply ridiculous. I’ll post more emails as I find them. Or if she sends me new ones. God I hope she does.